Batman: Różnice pomiędzy wersjami

Z Nonsensopedii, polskiej encyklopedii humoru
(gówno batmana)
Linia 8: Linia 8:
'''Batman''' to, jak już powinieneś zauważyć [[Pieniądze|drogi]] czytelniku, superbohater. Ale nie taki, który strzela laserami z oczu, a jednym włosem potrafi zabić, ale [[Mariusz Pudzianowski|Pudzian]] w stalowym opakowaniu z cukierkami...<br /> Chociaż kiedyś było inaczej...
'''Batman''' to, jak już powinieneś zauważyć [[Pieniądze|drogi]] czytelniku, superbohater. Ale nie taki, który strzela laserami z oczu, a jednym włosem potrafi zabić, ale [[Mariusz Pudzianowski|Pudzian]] w stalowym opakowaniu z cukierkami...<br /> Chociaż kiedyś było inaczej...


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== Dzieciństwo Batmana ==
31 wrzesień rok {{cenzura3}} <span style="color:gray">Ej, nie podawajcie mojego wieku, dobrze? – Pozdro, '''Batman'''</span> 21:13 i 38 sekund miejscowego czasu. Słońce już zaszło, a z teatru poczęli wychodzić ludzie. Był wśród nich mały chłopiec z rodzicami. Nazywał się Bruce Wayne i chodził do szkoły na przeciwko Biedronki. Rodzinka przechodząc koło [[Teoria rzeczywistości filmowej|mrocznej uliczki]] zauważyła dwunożną postać z ''[[kątownik]]iem'' w ręce. Bruce schował się za spódnicą swojej mamy. <span style="color:gray">To było dawno i nieprawda.</span> Nagle na jego oczach Mroczny Łowca Portfeli i Biżuterii<ref>TM!</ref> zlikwidował jego rodziców. Dzieciaka zatkało. <span style="color:gray">Byłem młody, głupi.</span> W zamian za rodzicieli, Łowca zaoferował Bruce'kowi tygodniowy wyjazd na [[Wyspy owcze]] i karnet do [[SPA]]. <span style="color:gray">Chyba go po{{cenzura3}}ło!</span> Ten jednak zaczął z płaczem biegać dookoła pobliskiej latarni. Gdy pokonał jakieś 5 kilometrów, Mroczny Łowca zadrwił z małego nieszczęśnika. Ten podniósł oczy w stylu zmutowanego jelenia i [[Jedi|siłą woli]] rzucił Łowcą o ścianę, wyrwał mu kręgosłup, zrobił lewatywę, spalił mózg, a następnie zjadł żywcem.<br />
Po tym incydencie Bruce stał się zakompleksionym nastolatkiem. Wyjechał z Gotham i siał trwogę, gdzie tylko się pojawił.<br />
Po kilku miesiącach ciężkiej, rolniczej pracy Bruce spotkał pierwszą osobę, której nie mógł wywrócić na lewą stronę używając siły woli. Był nią [[Hannibal Lecter]]. Widząc go Bruce zrozumiał, że nie tędy droga i skręcił w lewo. A na lewo była [[Siłownia|siłka]]...<br /><span style="color:gray">Chodziło mi o to, żeby pomagać ludziom, a nie szkodzić.</span> Taa, jasne. <span style="color:gray">Nawet nie wiesz jak przeżywałem śmierć rodziców, gnoju jeden! Nie chciałem, aby ktokolwiek musiał cierpieć jak ja.</span> I dlatego zabiłeś tylu szefów mafii i złych superbohaterów? A nie pomyślałeś co czuły ich dzieci? <span style="color:gray">Następne pytanie! <small>Tylko nie od tej małpy w czerwonym!</small></span>


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Wersja z 15:51, 12 cze 2012

BWBWBWBWBWBW!

Strach na wróble o Batmanie

Skoro Batman jest taki sprytny, to dlaczego nosi majtki na spodniach?

Joker bez mydła jadący po Batmanie

Czy nie zdawało ci się kiedyś, że ktoś cię śledzi? Słyszałeś podejrzane odgłosy, lecz nikt ci nie wierzył? Tak? I co z tego? Myślałeś, że napiszę, iż zapewne był to Batman? To źle myślałeś. Żeby spotkać Batmana musiałbyś znaleźć się w Gotham City, w którym to mieście nasz bohater pilnuje zwykłych ludzi, którzy za wszelką cenę chcą wpaść w pułapkę złych człowieków.
Ale najpierw...

Co to w ogóle jest, ten „Batman”?

Batman to, jak już powinieneś zauważyć drogi czytelniku, superbohater. Ale nie taki, który strzela laserami z oczu, a jednym włosem potrafi zabić, ale Pudzian w stalowym opakowaniu z cukierkami...
Chociaż kiedyś było inaczej...

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umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc 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umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umcumc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc umc

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Batman, a spółka

Rosją rządzą Batman i Robin.

Bushmeni o teoriach spiskowych w Rosji

Zajmijmy się teraz znajomymi Wayne'a.

Przyjaciele Batmana

Wrogowie Batmana


Myślę, że wyczerpałem temat Batmana. A teraz wynocha!

Szablon:Stubpos

Przypisy