Volvo: Różnice pomiędzy wersjami

Z Nonsensopedii, polskiej encyklopedii humoru
WizualnieWikikod
Znacznik: edytor wizualny
 
(Nie pokazano 18 wersji utworzonych przez 15 użytkowników)
Linia 1: Linia 1:
[[Plik:Ferrari F430 dash at 2006 Chicago Auto Show.jpg|thumb|200px|Idealna kiera do Volvo]]
THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO 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THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO 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THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO THANKS VOLVO
{{cytat|Technologia zerżnięta z [[FSO Polonez|Poldka]]!|Miłośnicy kultorwych samochodów PRL-u o '''Volvo'''}}
'''Volvo''' – [[Szwecja|szwedzka]] firma produkująca [[samochód|samochody]]. Pod względem technicznym są dostosowanie do ochrony życia ludzkiego poprzez maksymalne rozpędzanie się do 110 km/h. W 1999 roku po Volvo właściwie pozostał ślad, gdy firmę wykupił Ford, lecz aby Szwecja nie kojarzyła się tylko z [[IKEA|IKEĄ]], pozwolono, by nowe samochody nazywać nadal Volvami. Samochody w 99% trafiają do biednych milionerów.

== Logo ==
Volvo mocno oberwało się za logo. Przedstawiono ono niebieski napis ''Volvo'' i kółko z strzałką. Grupy [[feminizm|skrajnych feministek]] szybko zarzuciły, że powinna być także strzałka w dół, by nie były dyskryminowane kobiety. Dziś z loga został tylko niebieski napis.

== Dane techniczne ==
[[Plik:Alltelleringet-com-ikea.jpg|thumb|Tanie Volvo z Ikei]]
Każdy samochód Volvo musi obowiązkowo posiadać:
* 10 [[poduszka powietrzna|poduszek powietrznych]],
* 3 wmontowane systemy [[ABS]]+4 zapasowy, który aktywuje wszystkie trzy na raz,
* system wyszukiwania i omijania [[koleiny|dziur drogowych]] i automatyczne zgaszenie [[silnik]]a, gdy wykryje je w promieniu 50 km,
* 4 koła o kształcie koła.
* blachy wzmocnione [[Alkanolepsja|Propylopropylkiem Nonanononanoleknonanolononanolowym]]
* megafon ostrzegający wszystkich dookoła włączający się na wypadek <del>potopu szwedzkiego</del> powodzi w okolicach
* szyby pancerne o grubości 100 570 mm
* wysuwaną [[czołg|wieżę]] z jednym działem kal. 140mm i dwoma karabinami maszynowymi
* centrum dowodzenia [[Skandynawia|skandynawską]] bronią jądrową<ref>Czy raczej: jądrami [[Zlatan Ibrahimović|Zlatana Ibrahamovića]]</ref>
* pług śnieżny
* system wykrywania i natychmiastowego zabijania osób przejawiających jakiekolwiek poglądy seksistowskie
* każde kombi powinno wyglądać jak meblościanka z przeceny w [[Biedronka|Biedronce]]

Dodatkowo każdy samochód Volvo musi spełniać wszystkie [[Normy Unii Europejskiej|normy unijne]], co dodatkowo umacnia je w rankingach najbezpieczniejszych samochodów świata.

== Ciekawostka ==

* Jeżeli dać 4 letniemu dziecku kredki i poprosić o narysowanie samochodu, narysuje ono właśnie stare Volvo o kształcie meblościanki z IKEI.


== Galeria ==
<gallery>
Plik:Wolno.jpg|Nowe logo
Plik:V40 tuninng.JPG|Tuning V40
Plik:Volvo12 benedykt.jpg|Znany właściciel Volvo
Plik:Volvoacc 5.jpg|Volvo na polskiej drodze
</gallery>

== Zobacz też ==
* [[Saab]]

{{stub|trans}}
{{Motoryzacja}}
{{Komunikacja miejska}}
[[Kategoria:Marki samochodów]]

Aktualna wersja na dzień 19:47, 11 lis 2022

Idealna kiera do Volvo

Technologia zerżnięta z Poldka!

Miłośnicy kultorwych samochodów PRL-u o Volvo

Volvo – szwedzka firma produkująca samochody. Pod względem technicznym są dostosowanie do ochrony życia ludzkiego poprzez maksymalne rozpędzanie się do 110 km/h. W 1999 roku po Volvo właściwie pozostał ślad, gdy firmę wykupił Ford, lecz aby Szwecja nie kojarzyła się tylko z IKEĄ, pozwolono, by nowe samochody nazywać nadal Volvami. Samochody w 99% trafiają do biednych milionerów.

[edytuj • edytuj kod]

Volvo mocno oberwało się za logo. Przedstawiono ono niebieski napis Volvo i kółko z strzałką. Grupy skrajnych feministek szybko zarzuciły, że powinna być także strzałka w dół, by nie były dyskryminowane kobiety. Dziś z loga został tylko niebieski napis.

Dane techniczne[edytuj • edytuj kod]

Tanie Volvo z Ikei

Każdy samochód Volvo musi obowiązkowo posiadać:

  • 10 poduszek powietrznych,
  • 3 wmontowane systemy ABS+4 zapasowy, który aktywuje wszystkie trzy na raz,
  • system wyszukiwania i omijania dziur drogowych i automatyczne zgaszenie silnika, gdy wykryje je w promieniu 50 km,
  • 4 koła o kształcie koła.
  • blachy wzmocnione Propylopropylkiem Nonanononanoleknonanolononanolowym
  • megafon ostrzegający wszystkich dookoła włączający się na wypadek potopu szwedzkiego powodzi w okolicach
  • szyby pancerne o grubości 100 570 mm
  • wysuwaną wieżę z jednym działem kal. 140mm i dwoma karabinami maszynowymi
  • centrum dowodzenia skandynawską bronią jądrową[1]
  • pług śnieżny
  • system wykrywania i natychmiastowego zabijania osób przejawiających jakiekolwiek poglądy seksistowskie
  • każde kombi powinno wyglądać jak meblościanka z przeceny w Biedronce

Dodatkowo każdy samochód Volvo musi spełniać wszystkie normy unijne, co dodatkowo umacnia je w rankingach najbezpieczniejszych samochodów świata.

Ciekawostka[edytuj • edytuj kod]

  • Jeżeli dać 4 letniemu dziecku kredki i poprosić o narysowanie samochodu, narysuje ono właśnie stare Volvo o kształcie meblościanki z IKEI.


Galeria[edytuj • edytuj kod]

  • Nowe logo

  • Tuning V40

  • Znany właściciel Volvo

  • Volvo na polskiej drodze

Zobacz też[edytuj • edytuj kod]


Znak A-34.svg To jest tylko zalążek artykułu z dziedziny transportu. Rozbuduj go – nie przejedziesz się na tym.

p • e
Motoryzacja
Samochód
Marki samochodów
Inne pojazdy
Jednoślady
Prawo, przepisy i takie tam
Drogi, nawierzchnia
i inne odmiany czarnych dziur
p • e
Komunikacja miejska
Autobusy
Tramwaje
Bombardier NGT6 • Düwag (GT, M/N8C) • Cegielski (118N) • Konstal (13N, 102Na, 105N, 105Na, 105NWr, 105N2k/2000,116Nd • 805Na) • Modertrans (Moderus Alfa, Moderus Beta) • Pesa (Jazz, Krakowiak, Swing, Tramicus) • Protram (105Nwr, 204WrAs, 405N) • Škoda (16T • 19T)
Kolejka podziemna
Sieci autobusowe
Sieci tramwajowe
Przedsiębiorstwa
Ludzie
Inne
  1. ↑ Czy raczej: jądrami Zlatana Ibrahamovića
Źródło: „https://nonsa.pl/index.php?title=Volvo&oldid=1779744”