Papież: Różnice pomiędzy wersjami
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Linia 9: | Linia 9: | ||
W celu uproszczenia powyższego naukowo-encyklopedycznego języka można porównać papieża do Papy Smerfa. Jego zadaniem jest wyznaczać prawa, pilnować i bronić tłumu małych, naiwnych, niebieskich stworków przed wysłańcami złych mocy. |
W celu uproszczenia powyższego naukowo-encyklopedycznego języka można porównać papieża do Papy Smerfa. Jego zadaniem jest wyznaczać prawa, pilnować i bronić tłumu małych, naiwnych, niebieskich stworków przed wysłańcami złych mocy. |
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== Obecny papież == |
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{{main|[[Franciszek (papież)]]}} |
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Obecny papież jest miłym, starszym panem rodem z Argentyny. Przybrał imię [[Franciszek (papież)|Franciszek]], co sugeruje, że będzie kontynuował dzieło św. Franciszka, czyli między innymi wspierał działalność na rzecz ubogich i potrzebujących. Dodatkowo wiadomo, że należał do zakonu jezuitów, co wieszczy to, że będzie biczem bożym i będzie nader chętnie wspierał najważniejszy sport w Watykanie – [[palenie czarownic]] i [[Herezja|heretyków]]. |
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== Przysłowia == |
== Przysłowia == |
Wersja z 00:06, 6 lis 2020
Ja w przeciwieństwie do papieża, jestem katolikiem!
- Janusz Korwin Mikke o papieżu
Papież (z sanskr. „papa” – grzech, wat. papjesch) – męska forma od papieżyca, a osobowa od papier. Władca państwa Watykańskiego, w którym jest on monarchą absolutnie absolutnym i nieomylnym, do tego utrzymuje, że ma tę władzę z woli Boga[1]. Współpracuje z Duchem Świętym, który czasem szepcze mu na ucho zalecając nowe dogmaty. Jeśli papież coś postanowi – Duch Święty musi tego usłuchać: gdy papież zniósł dogmat o otchłani, do której trafiają nieochrzczone dzieci, Duch Święty musiał ją zlikwidować. To następstwo faktu, iż papież jest nieomylny, o czym mówi także jeden z dogmatów. Nikt nie wie czy był nieomylny już zanim powstał dogmat nieomylności, ale chyba tak, bo jeśli nie, dogmat ten nie byłby wiarygodny już sam w sobie. Należy więc jasno powiedzieć, że wszyscy papieże, również Ci powołujący do życia różne święte inicjatywy (takie jak krucjaty, czy Inkwizycja) mieli niepodważalną rację i działali pod natchnieniem Ducha Świętego. Warto zauważyć, że nawet jeśli jeden papież wprost stwierdza, że drugi się mylił, to i tak obaj mają rację. Niezbadane są ścieżki Pana.
Papież ma mnóstwo uprawnień, może przemawiać do ludzi, pozwalać się całować w pierścień i przyjmować podarki od władców i prezydentów z całego świata. Z tych ciekawszych, może dawać ekskomuniki, klątwy, zakazy odpustów i, co najgorsze, podnieść dziesięcinę.
W celu uproszczenia powyższego naukowo-encyklopedycznego języka można porównać papieża do Papy Smerfa. Jego zadaniem jest wyznaczać prawa, pilnować i bronić tłumu małych, naiwnych, niebieskich stworków przed wysłańcami złych mocy.
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Przysłowia
- Być w Rzymie i papieża nie widzieć – być noobem i ciotą.
- Być bardziej katolicki niż sam papież – być katolikiem w Polsce.
- Papież jest cierpliwy – możesz mu gadać, co chcesz. Zazwyczaj jest stary i nie słyszy.
- Papież się nie rumieni – papież ma gdzieś, co o nim napisało Bravo, bo może obłożyć je ekskomuniką.
Formy grzecznościowe i zwroty w stosunku do papieża
- Panie papieżu – polecane dla Żydów i sympatyków.
- Obywatelu papieżu – polecane dla komunistów bez pochodzenia żydowskiego.
- Proszę pana – zwrot zalecony dla osób wyznających poprawność polityczną.
- Wasza ekscelencjo – głównie dla lizusów i innych dupowłazów
Język watykański
- Główny artykuł: Język watykański
Za rządów papieża Benedykta XVI językiem urzędowym w Watykanie był język watykański. Mimo że jest on już wymarłym językiem (od kiedy papież zrobił sobie wolne abdykował), warto poświęcić chwilę na zgłębienie artykułu o nim.
Transport
Poprzedni papieże nie potrafili się teleportować, więc poruszali się przy pomocy pojazdu Papamobile.[2] W rzeczywistości pojazd ten jest przybyłym z kosmosu transformerem, który zstąpił na ziemię, żeby ochraniać jej mieszkańców i wytłumaczyć o co chodzi z tą miłością bliźniego. Transformer ten może przybierać różne kształty: autobusu MZK, ortodoksyjnego meczetu lub czołgu.
Papamobile ma rejestrację SAT666 i może rozwinąć zawrotną prędkość 666 km/h, jednak w związku z tym, że w Watykanie obowiązuje zakaz jazdy samochodem, papież może nim jeździć tylko po zakupy do Rzymu[3]
Historia transportu papieży
Na przestrzeni wieków możemy zaobserwować, że papieże przemieszczali się już prawie każdym możliwym środkiem lokomocji, np.:
- św. Piotr – na piechotę, również po wodzie;
- św. Linus – promem kosmicznym;[4]
- św. Cletus – dzięki mocy tworzącej laserowy dysk napędzany napędem pulsarowym;
- św. Pius I – na wielkim, zmutowanym gołębiu, uratowanym wprost z Arki Noego;
- św. Pius II – na dwóch takich gołębiach;
- św. Urban – miejskim autobusem, a w nocy taksówką;
- św. Marek – na szczerozłotym koniu, którego ufundowali mu parafianie;
- św. Bonifacy – łodzią podwodną lub na hulajnodze;
- św. Grzegorz I – podróżował z taborem cygańskim;
- św. Leon II – Airbusem;[5]
- Aleksander VI – jeździł na własnej córce
- Pius XII – czołgiem;
- Jan XXIII – złotą karetą zaprzężoną w sześć szczerozłotych koni;
- Paweł VI – na smoku ziejącym ogniem;
- Jan Paweł I – jako wersja demo nie posiadał środka lokomocji;
- Jan Paweł II – na transformersie, zwanym też Papamobilem;
- Benedykt XVI – posiadł zdolność teleportacji, jednak nadal jeździ papamobilem.
- Franciszek – przemieszcza się pieszo, w internecie, także telepatycznie pomiędzy umysłami. Posiada zdolność psychokinezy, jeździ renault 4, ewentualnie papamobilem JPII
Słynni papas
- Papa Smerf
- Jan Paweł II
- Benedykt XVI
- Papa Dance
- Papa – materiał budowlany (używany też w innych celach)
- Papa Roach – zespół folkowy
- Papa Loulie – kucharz, który podejrzanie biega za pizzami. Występuje w grze Papa Loulie.
Galeria
Papież R2D2 podczas przemówienia w oknie swojej ubikacji
Zobacz też
Przypisy
- ↑ Inni bogowie, np. Latający Potwór Spaghetti i Allah, temu zaprzeczają
- ↑ z łaciny ruchomy ojciec. Nazwa sugeruje, że papież potrafi się poruszać. Nie każdy może tak powiedzieć o swoim starym, gdy widzi go leżącego z browarem na kanapie.
- ↑ W Watykanie nie obowiązuje zakaz handlu w niedzielę, ale też nie ma tam żadnych sklepów.
- ↑ do mniejszych parafii docierał na spadochronie wprost z troposfery.
- ↑ przeżył prawie wszystkie katastrofy.